People are notoriously bad at dealing with uncertainty. We spend a surprising amount of time and energy avoiding the dread of not knowing. Yet few things in life are truly certain or constant. When the things we’ve depended on or worked towards fall away, it’s difficult to reorient. The distance we feel from our sense of self during these times can be breathtaking. So what can we do to take those first steps towards healing?
Over the years, I've developed a decent toolkit for managing thorny thoughts and feelings. But even with the best intentions and intense effort, our tools can sometimes fall short. * In moments of distress or despair, our brains become overwhelmed with the business of survival. “Unnecessary” processes such as language and critical thinking become less accessible and we become flooded with emotions.
If this feels like you today, try asking yourself one question:
What is still true?
Focusing on this one question can help to reestablish a connection to yourself. When we're in distress, the brain will hyperfocus on danger. If you shift from considering the things you've lost to what you still know or have, you've taken a small step towards calm.
This last month has been one of the hardest of my life, and I've had plenty of opportunities to think about what is still true for me. If you're struggling to get started, you can borrow a few of mine.
I still believe that people are generally doing their best.
I'm still the same person I was before with the same skills and values.
My body is working and I can still draw a deep breath
I'm safe
From here- and ever so slowly- we can ask ourselves what matters. Safety and autonomy matter. Hope matters.
Today what matters most to me: Compassion. Connection. Peace.
When we center ourselves on basic truths, we can begin to find a way through.
*If your tools include mental healthcare, don't discard these! See your therapist. Take your medicine.
If your darkest days include thoughts of suicide, please reach out for help. Call 988, talk to a friend. Tomorrow is another day and things can get better. Trust me, I know.
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